spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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