You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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