awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
