I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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