I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
