the day after is always just damage control
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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