I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
