You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
where are my eyebrows?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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