Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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