If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
