Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
