I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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