Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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