I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Shame - the story of my life.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
