I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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