I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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