The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
