My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
