If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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