I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
