He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize