You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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