is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I just sharted jello shots
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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