My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
