Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
