Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
