no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
