i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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