I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
