He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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