good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
