I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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