I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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