bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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