Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize