when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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