Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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