He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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