My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Randomize
