Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
