I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
