And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
