so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
