The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
