Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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