College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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