omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
