I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
