the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
