Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize