we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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