Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
