Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think i peed on brittanys purse
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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