john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
