so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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