It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize