This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
