I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
