What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
