I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Screwed.edu
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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