haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize