Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
