I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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