he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
