Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
