even my farts smell like vagina
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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