just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
