oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
