I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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