i jhust puked up my retainher.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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