My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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