Have you finally orgasmed yet?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
