Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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