they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm at about main and main street
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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