i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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