Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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