at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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