i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
false alarm, still single
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