This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize