Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
