Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
