Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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