I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
