Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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