Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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