'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
