oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
