i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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