i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize