worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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