Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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