I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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