Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
