Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
be right there i have to get my cape
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
