I wanna passion pit in your ass
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
