Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize