you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Randomize
