It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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