finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
