We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
