I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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