i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I've blown a few things in my day
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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