before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
