You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Text me some of your sweat
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize