the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
