You're so nebulous sometimes
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
