I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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