remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
