i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize